The last aspect of When Things Fall Apart that I want to explore is the way Pema Chodron describes tactics for cultivating mindfulness and presence. I thought this formed a vital part of the work because without a disciplined method for staying in the moment and rejecting escapes from reality, there is a risk of someone falling victim to various cheap desires or temptations when struggling under the burden of a difficult time.
Meditation is a commonly used and widely known method that Chodron writes about in more detail. She describes the goal of meditation as constantly finding a way back to the mind’s relaxed state and suggests using the out-breath to acknowledge and dissolve any distracting thought. She specifies that saying ‘thinking’ to yourself as you acknowledge a thought is a reliable way to let distractions float away from the mind. Over time, the clutter of distracting thoughts melts from the mind and allows it the freedom to become fully present within itself.
One important result of the fully present mind is the way it can experience our full range of emotions. This in turn helps us accept others and their emotions so that we can remain fully present without feeling the temptation to fill any space that makes us uncomfortable. The mindfulness that emerges from a good meditative practice helps us refrain from jumping into any problem that drifts into the mind. It allows us to put aside our fear and hang in there when we sense that something is missing so that we can fully enjoy the present moment and respond to its changing need. If we can do this consistently so that we are able to feel the joy and grief for others that Chodron calls our soft spot, we have the most important tool required for bringing the change we need into the world.
Showing posts with label books - when things fall apart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label books - when things fall apart. Show all posts
Monday, October 21, 2019
Thursday, October 17, 2019
reading review - when things fall apart (right or wrong)
One of the themes I touched on in my first post about When Things Fall Apart covered the problems that result from thinking too much about absolute right or wrong. Pema Chodron had more on this topic that I want to discuss today.
The root of the problem is a tendency to cling to the impermanent. We do this in so many ways – the cycle of life and death perhaps being the foremost example – and the fear of inevitable loss makes it impossible to feel the full joy that comes with so much of life. I thought Chodron’s comment that life means dying over and over again was an illuminating way to think about this challenge. The difficulties we commonly refer to as trials or tests are not just ordeals to endure until we feel better; these are the opportunities we have to find the indestructible within us.
When we understand the core of our essence and accept that it will always be there, we can face annihilation over and over again. We understand that the fear of death is really just a mask covering the fear of life. We slowly accept that when things come together they will soon come apart again. When we reach this point on the journey, we can see that the problem of right or wrong isn’t that the answer cannot be determined, it’s that right or wrong shifts and changes in lockstep with the ambiguity of reality.
In other words, although right or wrong can exist in specific moments, we should accept that such an arrangement is impermanent. There is a great flexibility that comes when we accept the changing nature of right and wrong. Just as generosity comes naturally to those who understand that everything falls apart, those who recognize the essence of right and wrong bring a missing ingredient to impossible situations. They help some see that being right comes at the cost of hurting others. In other situations, they demonstrate that the clarity of determining right or wrong isn’t worth the cost of increasing tension or fury among the concerned parties. And when a situation comes around that seems truly impossible, one where right or wrong must be determined no matter what the cost, the people who recognize its impermanence nature find ways to make everyone comfortable with waiting until something inevitably changes and shows a new path forward.
The root of the problem is a tendency to cling to the impermanent. We do this in so many ways – the cycle of life and death perhaps being the foremost example – and the fear of inevitable loss makes it impossible to feel the full joy that comes with so much of life. I thought Chodron’s comment that life means dying over and over again was an illuminating way to think about this challenge. The difficulties we commonly refer to as trials or tests are not just ordeals to endure until we feel better; these are the opportunities we have to find the indestructible within us.
When we understand the core of our essence and accept that it will always be there, we can face annihilation over and over again. We understand that the fear of death is really just a mask covering the fear of life. We slowly accept that when things come together they will soon come apart again. When we reach this point on the journey, we can see that the problem of right or wrong isn’t that the answer cannot be determined, it’s that right or wrong shifts and changes in lockstep with the ambiguity of reality.
In other words, although right or wrong can exist in specific moments, we should accept that such an arrangement is impermanent. There is a great flexibility that comes when we accept the changing nature of right and wrong. Just as generosity comes naturally to those who understand that everything falls apart, those who recognize the essence of right and wrong bring a missing ingredient to impossible situations. They help some see that being right comes at the cost of hurting others. In other situations, they demonstrate that the clarity of determining right or wrong isn’t worth the cost of increasing tension or fury among the concerned parties. And when a situation comes around that seems truly impossible, one where right or wrong must be determined no matter what the cost, the people who recognize its impermanence nature find ways to make everyone comfortable with waiting until something inevitably changes and shows a new path forward.
Tuesday, October 8, 2019
reading review - when things fall apart
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron (February 2019)
When Things Fall Apart is a collection of talks given by Pema Chodron between 1987 and 1994. Her wise words contain many insights into how we can face the future during times of great pain, suffering, or difficulty.
The main idea connecting the book’s many chapters is the human fallacy to think there is always more time. I think we are exposed to this lesson many times over but we often ignore the message until it gets buried somewhere deep in the back of the mind. The acceptance of this lesson doesn’t mean we need to start frantically rushing through our days in a mad bustle to get everything done; rather, it just means we need to take more agency for how the future is shaped and carry out this responsibility with a little more urgency. One way this lesson helps us is by initiating the simple self-assessments that consider how our ingrained habits hurt others. These reflections help us recognize when small changes to our ways can make the world a better place and spur us to immediate action by framing it in the context of how the change will benefit others.
These reflective acts seem trivial but I think they carry infinite potential. Chodron points out one important factor here – when we get used to our own ways, we slowly start to assume others are used to us. The assumption is dangerous because we become careless and harm others in ways beyond our powers of recognition. It also makes us prone to get used to the world around us and see it as permanently fixed in place. The willingness to find our faults through an open and warm self-examination breaks this cycle of false permanence and gives us the best chance of seeing all the ways small changes can make the outside world a better place.
The permanent nature of this mentality requires an additional component of kindness and bravery to the self. Without it, Chodron notes that we limit the compassion we have available for others. It’s possible to change the world without compassion but it limits the extent of our powers because the change is possible only where we can leverage our abilities through direct interaction. If we bring our compassion to others, we not only drive change through our actions but also empower others to do the same under the guiding light of our wisdom, empathy, and acceptance.
One up: I liked her definition for ego – it’s what prevents us from relating to our immediate surroundings. For someone afflicted with a terrible bout of ego, it is impossible to leverage experience as a means for bringing forth joy and goodness in the world.
One down: We sometimes allow our inner dialogue to be our own worst enemy. I thought Chodron put it very well when she writes that intelligence is the ability to recognize a thought as just thinking and nothing more. If a thought comes along that doesn’t serve our own good, it’s best to simply acknowledge the thought and move on.
This applies as well in the ability to keep away from forming opinions regarding whether other people are right or wrong. If something comes along that does nothing for us, it’s best to simply acknowledge the thought and move on.
The sampler: Although there were many wonderful chapters in this book, I thought chapter 18 was particularly good and I read it a second time before returning the book.
Just saying: Chodron warns that we will always face dilemmas if we seek consistency in our education and in our self-expression. The best way to reconcile this may be to accept the future as an accumulation of what we do, starting now, until the end. This gives us the chance to both accept what we’ve been learned while adapting our expression to the changing needs of the newest moment.
When Things Fall Apart is a collection of talks given by Pema Chodron between 1987 and 1994. Her wise words contain many insights into how we can face the future during times of great pain, suffering, or difficulty.
The main idea connecting the book’s many chapters is the human fallacy to think there is always more time. I think we are exposed to this lesson many times over but we often ignore the message until it gets buried somewhere deep in the back of the mind. The acceptance of this lesson doesn’t mean we need to start frantically rushing through our days in a mad bustle to get everything done; rather, it just means we need to take more agency for how the future is shaped and carry out this responsibility with a little more urgency. One way this lesson helps us is by initiating the simple self-assessments that consider how our ingrained habits hurt others. These reflections help us recognize when small changes to our ways can make the world a better place and spur us to immediate action by framing it in the context of how the change will benefit others.
These reflective acts seem trivial but I think they carry infinite potential. Chodron points out one important factor here – when we get used to our own ways, we slowly start to assume others are used to us. The assumption is dangerous because we become careless and harm others in ways beyond our powers of recognition. It also makes us prone to get used to the world around us and see it as permanently fixed in place. The willingness to find our faults through an open and warm self-examination breaks this cycle of false permanence and gives us the best chance of seeing all the ways small changes can make the outside world a better place.
The permanent nature of this mentality requires an additional component of kindness and bravery to the self. Without it, Chodron notes that we limit the compassion we have available for others. It’s possible to change the world without compassion but it limits the extent of our powers because the change is possible only where we can leverage our abilities through direct interaction. If we bring our compassion to others, we not only drive change through our actions but also empower others to do the same under the guiding light of our wisdom, empathy, and acceptance.
One up: I liked her definition for ego – it’s what prevents us from relating to our immediate surroundings. For someone afflicted with a terrible bout of ego, it is impossible to leverage experience as a means for bringing forth joy and goodness in the world.
One down: We sometimes allow our inner dialogue to be our own worst enemy. I thought Chodron put it very well when she writes that intelligence is the ability to recognize a thought as just thinking and nothing more. If a thought comes along that doesn’t serve our own good, it’s best to simply acknowledge the thought and move on.
This applies as well in the ability to keep away from forming opinions regarding whether other people are right or wrong. If something comes along that does nothing for us, it’s best to simply acknowledge the thought and move on.
The sampler: Although there were many wonderful chapters in this book, I thought chapter 18 was particularly good and I read it a second time before returning the book.
Just saying: Chodron warns that we will always face dilemmas if we seek consistency in our education and in our self-expression. The best way to reconcile this may be to accept the future as an accumulation of what we do, starting now, until the end. This gives us the chance to both accept what we’ve been learned while adapting our expression to the changing needs of the newest moment.
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