Hi folks, it's been a few days! Hope all is well. Here are some thoughts on my reading from May.
Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come by Jessica Pan
One of the reading highlights of the year was showing up late to a vacation with Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come in hand. Of course, this is one of those situations where the joke is in the title given how it belies the premise - Pan, a self-diagnosed introvert, chronicles a year spent living as an extrovert, which would include wanting to go on such things as a weekend trip. One fairly unsurprising lesson from this book is how poorly the introvert-extrovert binary describes the full range of human personalities. Being a somewhat hopeless introvert myself, I could relate to the impossible challenge of networking (or generally just connecting with strangers in a large group setting). But other things Pan described as Major Introvert Challenges, such as public speaking or traveling alone, feel completely natural to me. It may be more appropriate to use these labels in the sense of an adjective (introverted behavior) rather than as a noun (there is the introvert) to better capture the way most of us are a unique combination of introverted and extroverted characteristics.
Pan notes specific tactics for building connection that I'll summarize here. A conversation is successful when both parties share a willingness for self-disclosure, but specific behaviors such as interrupting, rambling, or partial listening will quickly submarine the initial interaction. Pan suggests that the occasional personal question is a helpful way to build connections, particularly if it can safely lead to sharing vulnerabilities or insecurities, due to how those disclosures can help people see echoes of themselves in each other. The best advice in this area may be a reminder prompted by two study results - one noted that people start to see each other as friends after six to eight meetings, while others cite a range of fifty to ninety hours. Maybe like most good things, building connection isn't about any of the above but rather about finding ways to make the necessary time investment.
A couple of other good reminders jumped out at me from my notes. For gatherings or parties involving large numbers of strangers, a good way to break into a smaller group is to wait at its edge then introduce yourself during a break in the conversation. Those who are working on their charisma should learn how to ask open-ended questions, then either ask meaningful follow-up questions or validate the other's feelings. Finally, those who are familiar with the improv mindset of approaching everything with a "yes, and" response should remember that the main obstacle to this mentality is arriving somewhere with a fully formed story in mind - this usually just leads to responses aimed at acting out the predetermined plan.
Alien Nation by Sofija Stefanovic
Stefanovic collects thirty-six personal stories which describe various immigrant experiences in America. Like with the The Moth collections I've previously highlighted on TOA, these stories were originally told on stage before being transcribed for this book (and like with The Moth, I suspect some stories came across better in the original audio format). Of the many stories I enjoyed from the work, I marked "C.R.I.S.I.S." for a reread.
There wasn't much I recalled about Alien Nation when I thought back to it for this summary. Some of the notes I took from the book read like potential themes - for example, that if you tell people they don't belong enough times then it begins to change how they see themselves, or that the majority often creates the impression that minorities must explain their own importance. It seems that a consistent accomplishment of each story was articulating the way certain everyday occurrences affect people of specific identities in ways unseen by the rest of us. If you like learning these lessons through personal anecdotes, then perhaps it's worth looking at this book or checking for the availability of the audio equivalent.
Recollections of My Nonexistence by Rebecca Solnit
There's something unusual about an author like Rebecca Solnit writing a memoir. I've read much of her work over the past few years and I've never felt too far removed from the author in those reading experiences. Unlike some of the other authors I've read regularly, she isn't the type to remove herself from the writing to the extent that her perspective disappears in the final product. It raises a question that I hadn't considered until I started looking over my notes on Recollections of My Nonexistence - what was left for her to say about herself that I haven't already learned from her other work?
This book, which Solnit mostly sets against the early portion of her four-decade adulthood, states one of its objectives early on - naming the obstacles you've encountered is one way you help the next generation. I found numerous examples in my notes of how she names these encountered obstacles, each created and enabled by a misogynist culture (the way society does little about (or even ignores) the fact that some men wish to harm women, leaving women to deal with the psychological effect on their own; the lack of places named after women or the lack of statues built of women, rendering their accomplishments invisible and leaving girls without examples and role models). These examples echo the themes I've found in her other work, but I think the memoir format gave her a new way to reflect on her experiences through writing. Recollections of My Nonexistence was important for the way it enabled Solnit to add a complementary perspective to support the ideas that she has brought into existence through her prior work.
The Purpose of Power by Alicia Garza
Garza, perhaps most commonly known for being a co-creator of the BlackLivesMatter hashtag, shares the lessons learned from two decades of organizing movements in this 2020 work. The Purpose of Power also intertwines history into these lessons, with the history including elements of memoir as well as a recounting of the moments and events that influence her work to this day. Overall, I thought Garza brought all of this together into an excellent book. However, when I thought back to my reading I struggled to recall anything specific that I had retained from the experience. My review of my own notes as well as some reviews from other readers seemed to reinforce my initial suspicion that the book often took one extra step back from the details, dealing more in strategy instead of tactics or ideas instead of examples. I think there is the potential for her to someday write a "how-to" guide for organizing, but it's not something that came through in this book due to this lack of specific detail.
What did come through, despite having the "higher level" perspective, was useful in its own way. Garza notes that movements require organization, building on the momentum created by protests or hashtags, and that their bases must expand beyond the range of people who are initially in frequent contact with the base. As an organizer, it's vital to create support for change among those who may not have initially recognized its necessity, and one way to do so is by understanding issues unique to other communities and then expanding the viewpoint of the movement to encompass those issues into the movement's goals. A growing movement, by embracing a cycle of achieving common goals across differences, finds a way to refuel its own growth and continually build power. I felt Garza spoke indirectly to the points summarized above when she noted that progressive communities, generally lacking diverse representation (and specifically Black representation), may not always present progressive solutions due to the lack of diverse perspectives.
For most of us readers, the broader lessons of organizing movements lack immediate application to challenges in our own lives. I'll highlight a note that spoke to my regular experience - when confronting racism, remember that people won't believe an idea which contradicts what they see with their own eyes. In these moments, avoid engaging in debates and work instead on asking questions or creating context to help others reframe their experience with a more inclusive and tolerant perspective.
