leftovers - reading clearout, june 2022 (never split the difference - tactics)

Last week's summary about Chris Voss's Never Split the Difference omitted some of the specific tactics I thought could help anyone in a negotiation, so let's take a moment to examine those in this post.

Mislabeling

I mentioned this briefly in the original reading clearout but return today to clarify another aspect of the point. If you are having trouble engaging the other party in a discussion, a deliberate mislabel can help draw them back in by way of tempting them into a correction. You can also employ a similar move when someone is unresponsive - ask, have you given up on this project? If they intend to reengage with the project, they'll jump at this opportunity to say "no".

A positive approach to negativity

I took a couple of interesting notes about negativity within a negotiation. The general theme across those notes is that you are better off going straight at the negative, which is for a number of reasons - denying the obvious negatives in a situation adds credence to it; acknowledging and diffusing the negative helps build working relationships; open discussion of the negative helps create a safe zone for empathy. 

These remind me of an incident from a Business Bro Training I attended a couple of years ago, which had a portion about conflict. I don't think I've written about this yet, but as I plan to eventually I'll keep it short for now. The main idea in the session covered how to manage and resolve conflict, which I mostly agreed with in terms of being a valuable managerial skill, but toward the end I raised my hand and pointed out that conflict sometimes represented the best opportunity for a manager to collect information that would otherwise remain out of sight. In my mind, the best approach first manages the tension of the conflict until all the information is collected, then the focus can shift to resolving the conflict. As Voss himself notes, a skilled negotiator can take a similar approach and use conflict to energize collaboration and encourage problem-solving.

The logistical argument

One way to regain control in a discussion is to ask for the logistics. This is a good tactic for those moments when you feel like the other side's good ideas are overwhelming your interests. By asking for the logistical details (how can we do that?) you may be able to wear down your opponent before they can take advantage of the moment to push for more concessions.

Human nature

Speaking of concessions, you should remember that many people feel better when they receive a concession. It may be wise to determine your single fair offer, then work your way down to it in one or two steps. (It may also help to keep this in mind when someone makes the first offer, as you can probably negotiate it down a step or two if they are using this tactic against you.)

It's also human nature to have more confidence in a highly-specific number. Rather than using round digits, throw in a few random figures - instead of $100.00, use $101.77, and so on. If this feels silly or doesn't fit the specifics of your situation, use ranges instead of exact numbers because ranges have the power to make you seem less aggressive.

reading clearout (june 2022, part two)

Hi reader, another look today at a couple of my recent reads.

The Damned Utd by David Peace (March 2022)

As we all know 2022 is a World Cup year, which means a few more soccer books than usual here in the TOA atmosphere. The Damned Utd covers legendary manager Brian Clough's sensational forty-four day tenure in 1974 as manager of defending champion Leeds United, written as a novel and reading like a journal while remaining fully loyal to real-life events and results. Interspersed into the main arc is the backstory of Clough's managerial career up to that point, which saw him lead Derby County to incredible heights while also establishing himself as one of the great personas in the soccer world. The book is a spectacular creative accomplishment in my mind, perhaps occasionally trying a little too hard to bring the reader into Clough's headspace, but nevertheless a read that I recommend to any fan of the sport. I thought the most interesting idea from the book was a leadership insight - the best leaders are the ones who, recognizing the innate need to feel admired or respected, find a way to help others feel fulfilled in this regard while also knowing how to motivate themselves through their own low points.

Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss (November 2021)

I was surprised to see summaries of this book reference the nine key principles Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, uses to succeed in the world of highs-stakes negotiations - my recollection was that this book lacked such a rigid structure. I still thought this was a highly informative book, perhaps most useful for a reader with some personal experience in negotiations who could use Never Split the Difference to first evaluate their own process, then iterate using Voss's insights as guidelines or suggestions. For me, I found it to be an easy book with a number of helpful observations that I've carried with me since my reading, but I don't anticipate I will suddenly become the world's greatest negotiator for the sole fact of this read. One consistent emphasis in this book was on the use of labeling, which Voss sees as a surefire way to advance a conversation. A label usually forces the other side to say "I agree" or tempts them to correct you. For example, if you say "it seems like X is important to you" then the other side can either agree with X, which may help establish rapport in the negotiation, or it can disagree, which could lead them to reveal previously unknown information as they correct you.

This gets to a larger theme of the book - the main objective of the negotiation process is to acquire information. This links to some of the other notes I took from Never Split the Difference - listen as much as possible (since only the speaker can share information); avoid the temptation to fit new details into existing mental frameworks (since you may misidentify the relevance of novel information); remember to confirm the type of information contained in "yes" (because "yes" can mean commitment to action, but sometimes is used to either escape the discussion or buy time for an eventual "no"). As mentioned, I thought this book had quite a few helpful details (I may return to these in another post) but for most people just remembering to collect information will help them succeed in a negotiation. There is only so much wiggle room in these situations, so the sooner you know all the details the better positioned you are to find a solution that brings as much benefit as possible to all involved parties.